vulnerable | a story

my soul stands naked before God in an inner sanctum.
i bask in His presence as it heals the scars and bruises on my soul.
suddenly, the curtain around my soul sways in the presence of another human being.

the peace is broken.
my soul shrinks back in fear and resentment.

“what right has anyone to seek me here!
what right has anyone to breach the peace and comfort of this place!
this place is mine, and mine alone!”

but then i hear a voice call out.
it is a soft voice.
gentle.
itself frightened.
hesitant.
i recognize the voice.
it is the voice of my friend.
for a moment i am relieved.
then i recoil in more violent fear.

“what if Friend should see me here like this?
my soul is naked!
Friend will see my scars… my bruises!
Friend will find the ugliness of my soul repulsive!
i can see the disgust and hatred in Friends eyes even now!
Friend will reject me if i let Friend enter here!”

i am overcome with fear and in that fear i turn to God, with whom alone this place has ever been shared.
surely God will protect me from this Friend turned Enemy.

“God.
please.
won’t you send Friend away?
Friend cannot see me like this.”

“my child.
fear not.
this is the moment I have been preparing you for.
I made your soul to need and be needed.
it is right for Friend to be here.
Friend is just as frightened to be here as you are to let Friend in.
but Friend is here because Friend loves you.
and needs you.
do not be afraid to let Friend in.
it is my purpose for you.”

my soul trembles with dread as i slowly,
slowly,
reach toward the curtain.
there is a moment's hesitation.
a held breath.
a prayer.
and i push back the curtain just a crack.
my eyes, lowered in shame, finally move to meet those of the intruder.
a wave of shock engulfs me.

Friend is before me.
but not the same Friend that i have known.
Friend’s soul is exposed as mine is.
in it i can see horrid disfigurement and pain.
scars, just like mine.
some old and crusted over, some fresh and raw and bleeding.

“Friend!” i cry, forgetting my own shame.
“who did this to you?
i did not know you were hurt like this!
come in, come in!
i will help you!
and see?
God is here!
He will heal you!”

Friend looks grateful, but i can see a strange fear and uncertainty in Friends eyes.

“these scars?” Friend says, “are from the last time Someone let me in.
Someone did not like seeing the ugliness of my soul.
Someone rejected me.”

the sorrow and pain in Friend's eyes tug at me.
despite my own fear i step closer to Friend.

“Friend.
look.
i have scars too.”

we are both still for a moment.
both trembling in fear.
then,
in the silence,
our souls touch.

God, looking on, smiles.
i feel God’s presence more fully than ever before.
in that moment
when my friend and i
touched souls.